Peacemaker

“Peacemakers who sow in peace RAISE a harvest of righteousness” (James 3:18)

Praise God that horrible Thursday passed! I made peace and I forgave and asked for forgiveness of myself. I actually learned a lot through the whole emotional rollercoaster of Thursday. I would have loved to have opted out of that whole lesson however, God is molding me each day and without this experience I wouldn't be who I am right now, at this moment.

Praise God I have some awesome spiritual women in my life. One who was able to help me to see past things in a different light and allow me to see how the enemy was at work. We were able to pray about it over the phone and it really brought me great comfort and peace in that moment.

My other friend, Mayaba called and left me a voice mail on Monday. Well, I've still been emotional over everything and waited and called her back today because I felt better. She is an AMAZING woman of God. She has a book you MUST read called, "“Delivered From the Bondage of Witchcraft.” and comes to a prayer group I am in on Tuesday nights. I haven't been in months due to the fact that I am teaching evening classes. She has NEVER called me before and she called. I felt like I needed to return her call. When I called she explained the holy spirit had really layed me on her heart to pray. She had even planned a trip to Columbus but canceled her trip to stay home for a week to pray and fast (not just for me, other things too). She asked how the baby and I were doing and that she had been praying for us. I told her that her phone call couldn't have been more timely because of the stress and heartache I have felt over the past week. She started praying for me and said the Lord wanted me to know, "I AM." She repeated the several times. We prayed some more and I listened to what she had to say. I told her I knew exactly what the Lord was saying because I've been searching for my Prince of PEACE, my Comforter and I as much as I know HE is that, he seemed so far from me at the moment. But I know HE is listening and saying to me just that, "I AM your Prince of Peace, I AM your Comforter, I AM your Strength when you are weak, I AM the solid Rock..." It was just amazing. I thank God for such an obedient woman in the Lord and for God speaking to her about me.

Later on tonight after teaching I was on my way home and the song, "I Will Not Be Moved" by Natalie Grant came on. Wow, again the holy spirit was strong and these words were stronger and louder, I heard them clear as day, "I will make mistakes, I will have heartaches, BUT I will NOT be Moved, for Christ the solid Rock is which I stand AND all other ground is sinking Sand!" Again, I was reminded of who I am in Christ! No matter what problems arrive in my life, I will always turn to the God of Grace and Mercy, the one who will bring me the Peace, Comfort, Strength, Love ect when I need it the most and I will not be Moved.

UNGRATEFUL

What is the meaning of this word: "ungrateful". I hadn't ever thought about this word, it's not really in my vocabulary, I've never needed this word and I've never called anyone this word so I needed to know what this meant when I was called this about 100xs yesterday over the phone where I wasn't given an explantation on why this person thought this of me.

Ungrateful: adj.

1.Not feeling or exhibiting gratitude, thanks, or appreciation.

 

Gosh, this is pretty harsh. It's hits you hard especially when the definition doesn't fall in line with who you are. I'm more than thankful, appreciative and grateful of everything in my life big and small. I've never taken anythng for granted and try to go above and beyond to show appreciation to people.

 

After balling my eyes, and being just really torn up yesterday, all day to the point where I couldn't breathe, I called my daddy and he was filled with words of wisdom. He listened to the whole situation and even challenged my thinking. I can't imagine ever having to go through this again without having my dad around for his advice. Without his advice yesterday, I'm sure I wouldn't have survived. Still thinking about this gets me all teary eyed and emotional  (yes, I know I am pregnant).

 

Was it not that I wasn't grateful but this person needed me to show more appreciation. In the end after talking to my dad, I apologized to this person; "I'm sorry for making you feel like I am not grateful for what you are doing - I never meant to do or say anything to make you feel this way." Really that is all I could say. Because to be honest, I still have no clue what they were talking about or what they needed from me and like my dad said, I didn't need to try and get an answer on why they thought I was ungrateful - just like when Christ was called names He didn't demand to know why they were calling Him that. I guess in my thinking was that if I could get why they thought I was ungrateful I could know what I needed to change or to do or to say. I probably should have returned back to my Child like faith and attitude.

 

It brings me back to Elementary school when the teacher left the room and had a boy take names. Well this boy wrote my name on the board. I hadn't done anything wrong. When the teacher came in and saw my name on the board she was rather shocked. She said, "Jana! Why is your name on the board?" I responded, "I do not know." She asked the boy, "Did Jana talk or get up" the boy responded, "Yes". I was really calm and not bothered by his response. The teacher goes on, "Jana, he said you did do one of the two" My response, "Well, I didn't and I don't care what he says because God and I know I didn't do anything." Immediately the teacher erased my name from the board and apologized.

 

Instead of getting so upset and bothered by everything mean this person was saying and not know why they were saying all these things to me, I should have calmly and immediately apologized and reminded myself that I know what  my heart feels, I know I've never shown any ungratefulness towards anyone and ended the conversation.

 

For this word to have such a big impact on me, God has really revealed the power of words. I've always known that words have power, and I try daily to choose my words wisely and I'm actually really good at it. I feel really numb still today and I have tried super hard not think about yesterday. My husband was so upset with what happened yesterday that of course it tore him up that I had "allowed" someone get me so upset that he ended up taking off the rest of the day. There was really nothing he could do for me though. He didn't want me answering the phone talking or calling anyone. He took me to a comedy movie to get me to laugh and afterwards we ate dinner and were both out asleep by 8pm.

 

I have not spoken to this person even though I have forgiven this person. It's just something in my spirit is not at ease at the moment with this person. I feel like there is more to what this person is feeling and there is nothing I can do to help this person until they ask help for themselves. 

 

Ending this blog with a few things I feel gratitude, thanks and appreciation for...

Jesus (without him I'd still be a basketcase)

Marcos (without him I wouldn't have anyone to turn my frown upside down)

Dad (without him I wouldn't recieve the words of wisdom when I need it the most)

Family (they've shown me who i want to be and not want to be)

My: Education

  House

Food

Water

Clothes

Being able to stay home during the day

Evening job (spanish and english)

This baby - Natalie

Kind words

Kind acts

Travels

 

All downhill now... right?!

27 Weeks

So we left off at 26 weeks and  I had failed my glucouse test. Well, don't worry week 27 turned out to be the charm and I passed. I should have known considering the fact that the number 27 is my favorite number. =) Marcos and I met April 27 (double decker in Oxford) and we married on May 27th and hopefully Natalie will be born on June 27th instead of the 21st. Hey, it could happen... right?! =)

Also speaking about the 27th we could say Marcos purchased our first family car that day in March, techincally it wasn't but I'll just round up 7 days, it sounds better that way. We had been looking for cars forever! I had to buy the "perfect AND affordable" car for our family. With that being said, Toyotas 0% financing for 60mos. was definitely a helper in making a decision. We went with the brand new 2010 Toyota Highlander and I must say I love. It accomdates all my needs. It fits up to 7 people but that is with NO trunk space. With trunk space we eliminate the 3rd row and we have a 5 seater and a huge trunk.

We went to the parade that weekend and it was lots of fun. I made a shirt that said, "What's Kick'n" and it seemed to have been a hit because I recieved a ton of compliments on it. I didn't realize how big I looked in it though. Looking at myself in the mirror I don't look big (well atleast to me) my stomach sticks straight out and no where else. But it's one big stomach in the photos. Ha.

That following Tuesday we went and had our maternity pics done. I'm not sure how they will turn out. I worked so hard on my hair that morning we drove over an HOUR to this girls house and well, I was kinda disappointed. She is super sweet and nice but she didn't seem to understand the kind of photos I was looking for. I felt VERY rushed and I think that shows poorly on a photographer. I don't think you should feel rushed when you are paying someone to take your pictures. I felt like the entire time she had somewhere to be. She didn't seem to be as creative as it portrayed on her website photos either. And she didn't give ANY directions. How do I put my hand, does my arm look fat? what about my hair? I felt like I was just standing there helpless like OMG what do I look like and she never once said anything and just would start snapping. When Marcos and I went to change clothes Marcos informed me that my face looked very irriated. I felt bad, I was irriated, I told her like a billion times what i wanted and she didn't really do it. I didn't want her to know that I was irriated b/c I wanted her to try her best with me and help me out. So I tried extra hard to put on a smiley face and to hide my irriation. At the end of the shoot she was done, why I don't know, I had't gotten what I came for so I just said, listen, ATLEAST get a photo of us in our Rebel attire. She says, "oh yes of course, I totally forgot". Of course, because you obvisiously have somewhere to be and your trying to get me in and out as fast a possible. I guess no photographer yet can compare to my wedding photographer, Mitsy Miotto. She was so fabulous. Full of energy, never made us feel like she was in a hurry, and directed us in everything and would even show us on her camera what they were looking like, to inspire us and let us see what we were doing right or wrong. Then again, like one friend said, you get what you pay for and her prices and her cd of photo option was a selling point for me, super reasonable. I have rationalized the whole situation with the fact that she DOES (praying hard) take better BABY photos and I do want to some super cute baby photos and how can any photographer screw up baby pics? We shall see. =)

Speaking of photography, we are purchasing a heavy duty camera for me to so I can practice my photography skills. I'm hoping to take photos for a living too. Maternity, engagement, newborn... basic things. Nothing like a wedding or sort because someone's wedding day is so incredibly special that I would want a true photographer who studied and knows what they are doing to be responsible for that. You can never redo someones wedding. I'm really excited because I've been really inspired by other friend photographers and I myself can take a really good photo, I just need a better lens. I'm creative and I am patient. I am looking forward to taking tons of photos of Natalie. =)

Week 28

Sweet Caroline! Sweet Caroline who already has a one year old and I preggers again made Natalie the sweetest blanket, mittens and hat. When the box arrived and opened I was filled with tears. So special to me and so special is the fact that she took the time to crochet/knit something for my sweet little girl. We will cherish the set forever and ever! And Caroline, I'll be your maternity and newborn photographer, you just tell me when and where I  will be there. =)

I semi finished the crib skirt, only one part left. It looks fabulous. I mod podged her letters in her room and now I just need to find the perfect ribbon. We are waiting for the glider it should arrive in 3 weeks. I can't wait. I am now in search for curtains and draperies for her room. We shall see what I come up with.

I had my 28 week Dr. appointment now that I have ENTERED my 3rd TRIMESTER! I go to the doctor ever 2 weeks until the last month and then I will go weekly. =) I can't believe I am already here. It is so exciting. And what is more exciting is that I get ONE last sonogram of Natalie - week 32 before she gets here. I am counting down the weeks for that one.

We celebrated Easter and the resurrection of Christ and that was such an awesome Sunday. I just can't imagine my child having to go through the things that Christ did, the price he paid for us was so HUGE and yet we still live a life taken for granted. I want Natalie to understand the price Christ paid for us, for her and for others. I pray daily that the Love of Christ will shine ever so brightly through Natalie and the she is filled with a Holy Ghost smile that could light up a room. I want to be be so hard that Godly example that I try to display on daily basis. Hopefully she will be better at it then me.