You Will Never Understand

I am now 11 weeks. Wow, it's super surreal. I wasn't sure what to blog about at 11 weeks until I spoke with a friend today. So, I titled this post, "You Will Never Understand".

If you've never had a  miscarriage, "You Will Never Understand". You'll never understand the anxieties, the worries, the thoughts, "is this going to happen again?" I know many people now, who've lost a child aka "missed miscarriage" and these are the thoughts we go through on an hourly basis. Sure, first time pregnant moms have some anxieties and worries, it's only natural right - but it's nothing like "us".

It's like a new group of friends - the "us" group, who's been there and done it and can relate. Not only can we relate but we can feel the exact pain someone goes through when they've discovered their loss. It's in this moment that I am some how grateful I faced a devasting tragedy because now I truly know how it feels.

Jealousy - jealousy is something that satan tries use to make you feel the pain all over again - when a friend or relative or sister or whoever becomes pregnant and doesn't experience a loss. They have what they call, "a perfect pregnancy" - blessed pregnancy. This is something I overcame a long time ago. I actually don't ever remember being jealous of anyone who was pregnant around the time that I was and carried their precious baby to full term. But, I do know of those who have lossed and this becomes an issue.

Pride - I've dealt with prideful pregant people. Those that were pregnant or are pregnant and have the thoughts of gosh, "I'm pregnant or poor her, she experienced a lossed and I am just blessed". It's actually sickening how some people can act with not truley understanding the motives behind what they just said. It's very easy for me to see those who truley are meaningful in their words and those who aren't. You'd think I should feel some bitterness for those people but once again, I acknowlege who they are and thank God, I am not like them. That I can have compassion and be thankful and grateful that God has blessed them with perfect pregnancies.

Babies are BLESSINGS.

With Hannah, "I thank God for the blessing of this baby."

There is no need to be jealous - if you've lost a child and no need to feel prideful if you've haven't. I think those who have lost a child should think of those who haven't and put yourself in their shoes - and how they should feel grateful they carried a pregnancy full term. Those who haven't had to experience a loss - Praise God - but put yourself in our shoes. Imagine your sweet baby you have right now taken from you - lossed. It's a terrible pain - unimaginable.

So, today I pray like I do on many occassion - Lord - change me. Keep me renewed. I want to produce the fruits of the spirit in my everyday walk of life - in all trials and tribulations - in the greatest times and in the worst of times. Let me be: love, joy, peace, patient, good, gentle, meek, self-controled and faithful. I thank you for molding me each day into the women you've designed me to be. I know you're not finished and for that I'm ecastic. In Jesus' name! AMEN!