UNGRATEFUL

What is the meaning of this word: "ungrateful". I hadn't ever thought about this word, it's not really in my vocabulary, I've never needed this word and I've never called anyone this word so I needed to know what this meant when I was called this about 100xs yesterday over the phone where I wasn't given an explantation on why this person thought this of me.

Ungrateful: adj.

1.Not feeling or exhibiting gratitude, thanks, or appreciation.

 

Gosh, this is pretty harsh. It's hits you hard especially when the definition doesn't fall in line with who you are. I'm more than thankful, appreciative and grateful of everything in my life big and small. I've never taken anythng for granted and try to go above and beyond to show appreciation to people.

 

After balling my eyes, and being just really torn up yesterday, all day to the point where I couldn't breathe, I called my daddy and he was filled with words of wisdom. He listened to the whole situation and even challenged my thinking. I can't imagine ever having to go through this again without having my dad around for his advice. Without his advice yesterday, I'm sure I wouldn't have survived. Still thinking about this gets me all teary eyed and emotional  (yes, I know I am pregnant).

 

Was it not that I wasn't grateful but this person needed me to show more appreciation. In the end after talking to my dad, I apologized to this person; "I'm sorry for making you feel like I am not grateful for what you are doing - I never meant to do or say anything to make you feel this way." Really that is all I could say. Because to be honest, I still have no clue what they were talking about or what they needed from me and like my dad said, I didn't need to try and get an answer on why they thought I was ungrateful - just like when Christ was called names He didn't demand to know why they were calling Him that. I guess in my thinking was that if I could get why they thought I was ungrateful I could know what I needed to change or to do or to say. I probably should have returned back to my Child like faith and attitude.

 

It brings me back to Elementary school when the teacher left the room and had a boy take names. Well this boy wrote my name on the board. I hadn't done anything wrong. When the teacher came in and saw my name on the board she was rather shocked. She said, "Jana! Why is your name on the board?" I responded, "I do not know." She asked the boy, "Did Jana talk or get up" the boy responded, "Yes". I was really calm and not bothered by his response. The teacher goes on, "Jana, he said you did do one of the two" My response, "Well, I didn't and I don't care what he says because God and I know I didn't do anything." Immediately the teacher erased my name from the board and apologized.

 

Instead of getting so upset and bothered by everything mean this person was saying and not know why they were saying all these things to me, I should have calmly and immediately apologized and reminded myself that I know what  my heart feels, I know I've never shown any ungratefulness towards anyone and ended the conversation.

 

For this word to have such a big impact on me, God has really revealed the power of words. I've always known that words have power, and I try daily to choose my words wisely and I'm actually really good at it. I feel really numb still today and I have tried super hard not think about yesterday. My husband was so upset with what happened yesterday that of course it tore him up that I had "allowed" someone get me so upset that he ended up taking off the rest of the day. There was really nothing he could do for me though. He didn't want me answering the phone talking or calling anyone. He took me to a comedy movie to get me to laugh and afterwards we ate dinner and were both out asleep by 8pm.

 

I have not spoken to this person even though I have forgiven this person. It's just something in my spirit is not at ease at the moment with this person. I feel like there is more to what this person is feeling and there is nothing I can do to help this person until they ask help for themselves. 

 

Ending this blog with a few things I feel gratitude, thanks and appreciation for...

Jesus (without him I'd still be a basketcase)

Marcos (without him I wouldn't have anyone to turn my frown upside down)

Dad (without him I wouldn't recieve the words of wisdom when I need it the most)

Family (they've shown me who i want to be and not want to be)

My: Education

  House

Food

Water

Clothes

Being able to stay home during the day

Evening job (spanish and english)

This baby - Natalie

Kind words

Kind acts

Travels