With a life full of blessing and love from the Lord the enemy tries to do his best to move you away from God's love and blessings and have you question and doubt the King of Kings, who gives life and that you may live it abundently.
I was ecstatic on Wednesday morning as my Marcos left to work. All week I had thought that I could have been pregnant. I was sleeping alot, I had blamed it on our Greece trip. Then I got a nose bleed on Saturday and a friend of mine says that nose bleeds and bleeding gums are a sign of early pregnancy. This is when I started to think I could be. So, that Wednesday morning I peed on a little dollar tree test and up came two lines. I couldn't believe it! God had blessed us with a child. Later that night I would plan an amazing dinner to announce the pregnancy to Marcos. (I won't go into detail on how I did it because I will do it again when God blesses us again with another child).
However 6weeks after the pregnancy test and even confirming it with the Drs things started going wrong. Marcos was in Brazil he had left to Brazil on December 16th. We had just finished Christmas and it was December 27th, I went and watched Marley and Me with my sister and Mother. It was such a sad movie, but during the movie for those that have seen it, She gets pregnant goes to her appointment to find out she loses the baby. Gosh, I was so sad watching this and watching it with my family. The next day I start spotting some strange stuff, it was a Saturday and I "googled" it and it said I had nothing to worry about. Well, I was worried... worried big time. You know your own body and I knew there was something wrong. Sunday it was worse and on Monday I met my mom, dad, sister and audrey at chick fila for breakfast. I tried to be strong and act like nothing was going on but BURST into tears. "Mom, I think something is wrong" My dad, mom and alison were quite. Mom spoke up real fast to comfort me and told me she would take me to the right away. So we did.
My Dr. was out of town so I had to see another Dr. We went for another sonogram and I hear the lady say, "Well, I'm not seeing anything. I'm so sorry." I wanted to cry but I couldn't I was telling myself, "I told you so, I knew something wasn't right since Friday night". I had really prepared myself for the worst. And this was the worst. What could I do? I am only human. This other Dr. wasn't sympathetic at all really and was more like business mode... "so, you lost the baby come in tomorrow for a D&C and we will get you on your way". I couldn't really process it all. I was scared, nervous and sad. I had to call Marcos who knew at the time and all weekend I thought somehting was wrong. He and his mother had been praying all morning for me. He couldn't even talk when I told him. It was a silent and then he hung up. He called me back 10mins later after he was able to compose himself. We talked and I would see him in 2 days.
On December 30th I was at St. Dominics with my mother. It was a quiet day. Everything went smoothly. New Years was the 31st, I put on a happy face and celebrated with everyone. Marcos and his sister arrived January 1st. We really couldn't talk much and there wasn't really any words to comfort me or him. I celebrated my 25th birthday which is when I had my melt down, my first and last one. I put it in God's hand that night.
My Dear friend Sara couldn't have put any better: "15% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. I don't believe this is God's will or His best. I believe it is a product of a fallen world full of sickness and death and brought by the one who desires to steal, kill and destroy. My faith in the One who is my strength and my life will not waiver. I cannot explain everything away, but I know He never fails. His love for me is from everlasting to everlasting and His truth endures to all generations. If anyone can understand, He can and if anyone can comfort, He can. My life cannot be the same after this experience and the experience still soon to come, but I put my life in His capable hands. I know He will lift me up and give me strength. I am not saying all these things because I already feel them, but because I know they are true and the truth can set me free... from my despair, my fear and my confusion."
Marcos and I know God will bless us with another child, a perfectly healthy and beautiful baby. We feel so blessed to know we have a God who is all this and more, who comforts the weak and gives strength to the weary. I don't know how people who don't know God can go through something like we did. I pray for those families that they will see God through it all and that I can be a testimony of how with God I pulled through. There was no depression no hate no pity, just pure joy of the Lord. Psalms 30:5 "Weeping may last through the night,but joy comes with the morning."
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